Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sorry
I'm sorry these posts have been so delayed... I've been rather busy. But I feel like writing now, so I will write. xD
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Dereliction
July 01, 2009 - You Know Who You Are And Why.
Not dereliction bestowed upon me...
But dereliction that I bestowed upon another.
I feel as if I've failed.
Guilty, in a sense.
Although my heart yearns to feel unruly exuberance, I feel obliged to feel otherwise.
A selecting obligation. VERY selecting.
Yet still the emotion.
I can't help laugh to myself, as I anticipate the one I dreaded would read and comprehend this would indeed fulfill my consternation.
If the one is... I cannot possibly explain how sorry I am.
Not for my writing - for the events you've overcome. And are overcoming.
I'm left speechless.
But I want you to know... When you feel pain, I do aswell.
It troubles me in the night, creeping into my thoughts and dreams. Even possessing(lol) my unconsiousness.
I will remain heavyhearted, until you genuinly smile again.
But dereliction that I bestowed upon another.
I feel as if I've failed.
Guilty, in a sense.
Although my heart yearns to feel unruly exuberance, I feel obliged to feel otherwise.
A selecting obligation. VERY selecting.
Yet still the emotion.
I can't help laugh to myself, as I anticipate the one I dreaded would read and comprehend this would indeed fulfill my consternation.
If the one is... I cannot possibly explain how sorry I am.
Not for my writing - for the events you've overcome. And are overcoming.
I'm left speechless.
But I want you to know... When you feel pain, I do aswell.
It troubles me in the night, creeping into my thoughts and dreams. Even possessing(lol) my unconsiousness.
I will remain heavyhearted, until you genuinly smile again.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Fury
June 28, 2009 - Writing Now... On The Spot... No Long Words - Just From The Heart. I Hate Making These ABOUT Someone. But I'm Too Upset To Care. You Know Who You Are.
How.
How.
How can you describe the word... "How". The dictionary has what seems to be hundreds of definitions; one being: in what way or manner. But I have my own definition.
How is not just being. It's all there is. It is completely impossible to avoid it - It is everything there is. It's pain, it's love, it's happiness, it's anger... It's all the emotion of the world, and all that comes of it.
I started thinking about the word "how" when this question popped into my mind... How come nothing good ever happens to me?
Karma? I don't necissarily believe in that crap. And I've done nothing enough to set off this much "karma".
Self bestowing? If I have, I don't know what I could have done to cause any of this.
LIFE.
What is life? But a MORSEL of pain we shall all feel!
But a MORSEL of heartbreak and misery!
But a single MORSEL of love ripped away from you...
How.
How.
How can you describe the word... "How". The dictionary has what seems to be hundreds of definitions; one being: in what way or manner. But I have my own definition.
How is not just being. It's all there is. It is completely impossible to avoid it - It is everything there is. It's pain, it's love, it's happiness, it's anger... It's all the emotion of the world, and all that comes of it.
I started thinking about the word "how" when this question popped into my mind... How come nothing good ever happens to me?
Karma? I don't necissarily believe in that crap. And I've done nothing enough to set off this much "karma".
Self bestowing? If I have, I don't know what I could have done to cause any of this.
LIFE.
What is life? But a MORSEL of pain we shall all feel!
But a MORSEL of heartbreak and misery!
But a single MORSEL of love ripped away from you...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Poise
June 25th, 2009 - Thinking About Gifts We Possess & Why...
Every lover has been hurt.
Every pretty girl has been ugly.
Every good friend has been ghastly.
Every great writer has been hurt.
Everyone has to learn.
Every pretty girl has been ugly.
Every good friend has been ghastly.
Every great writer has been hurt.
Everyone has to learn.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Karissa
Gnar.
.............................
This particular blog is made, specially, for one of my best friends, Karissa Levan. Kat's been there for me SO much... It's truly touching. She created the banner for my blog, wrote unbelievably kind things about me in her profiles, and is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Thank you so much, Kitty. xD I love you!
♥
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
A friend is someone who is there for you when she'd rather be anywhere else.
A friend is someone who walks in when others walk out.
A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up the other: pain to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
A friend is someone who is there for you when she'd rather be anywhere else.
A friend is someone who walks in when others walk out.
A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up the other: pain to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up.
“Friends are like the flowers in the garden of life,
They help you through times of trouble and strife.
There’s nothing like friends to make a heart sing,
True friends will share with you almost everything.
They won’t abandon you in times of need,
They aren’t overcome by envy or greed.
Friends are like icing on life’s big cake,
Real friends will give and allow you to take.
No one can survive without friends,
They applaud my beginnings and mourn my sad ends.
Tell me, tell me what I would do,If I didn’t have a garden of friends like you.”
They help you through times of trouble and strife.
There’s nothing like friends to make a heart sing,
True friends will share with you almost everything.
They won’t abandon you in times of need,
They aren’t overcome by envy or greed.
Friends are like icing on life’s big cake,
Real friends will give and allow you to take.
No one can survive without friends,
They applaud my beginnings and mourn my sad ends.
Tell me, tell me what I would do,If I didn’t have a garden of friends like you.”
A charming sense in the heart. Rays of perpetual hope shine through cracks of the cadaver. Love and adulation sting shattered glass.
Never broken again.
Never broken again.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Stolen
June 21st, 2009 - Deep In Thought About Life... Meaning? During This, I Also Researched Other Interpetations Of "The Meaning Of Life". Interesting Answers. This Is Mine.
The Title "Stolen" Represents The Stolen Souls And Lives Of Those Who Never Got To Feel How I Feel. Also, The Definition Of "Steal" Being "to take or get something secretly, surreptitiously, or through trickery" Can Be Translated Into Each Of Our Lives, In A Way.
Honorable mention to Jason... You were in my thoughts when I wrote this... You always are.
Also very dearly to Sam, Alaina, Karissa, and Jada (♥)... Each and every one of you are gems in the world. Impossible to find another like it. Best things that have ever happened to me.
And, don't get mad... Eric. I know, I know. "You don't want to hear this shit". I know I hurt you. I know I was supposed to be there for you. I know not to expect forgiveness for a while. I just want you to know, I'm always here, and still thinking about you. And truly, immensly sorry for being so horrible to you and Skye. He sounds like a really great guy. And he's lucky to know you...
You always admire what you don’t truly understand.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to
love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.
Do not now look for the answers.
They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
The Title "Stolen" Represents The Stolen Souls And Lives Of Those Who Never Got To Feel How I Feel. Also, The Definition Of "Steal" Being "to take or get something secretly, surreptitiously, or through trickery" Can Be Translated Into Each Of Our Lives, In A Way.
Honorable mention to Jason... You were in my thoughts when I wrote this... You always are.
Also very dearly to Sam, Alaina, Karissa, and Jada (♥)... Each and every one of you are gems in the world. Impossible to find another like it. Best things that have ever happened to me.
And, don't get mad... Eric. I know, I know. "You don't want to hear this shit". I know I hurt you. I know I was supposed to be there for you. I know not to expect forgiveness for a while. I just want you to know, I'm always here, and still thinking about you. And truly, immensly sorry for being so horrible to you and Skye. He sounds like a really great guy. And he's lucky to know you...
You always admire what you don’t truly understand.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to
love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.
Do not now look for the answers.
They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Hurt
June 17th, 2009 - Quick scribble of thought.
What I’ve done is either unlike me… or the daunting part of me I never wanted to believe present.
Forgiveness. I don’t deserve any kind of exoneration. Nor do I ask. The theory of awful things someone has done being forgotten is too good too be true; literally. No sin is ever elapsed or forgotten. Looked at differently – maybe. But never forgotten.
I’d give anything to… expunge the previous.But, all things occur for a reason. …Right?
“It’s the thought that counts.” No. That only applies to certain events. When what you give isn’t good enough, it’s not even expected to be acknowledged.
Perfect definition of my apology. Not enough… The words ring in my mind – no, click – like those words were created for this specific terminology.
My philosophy is that if something doesn’t belong in the world… why bother? If something causes too much pain to too many people, especially those loved and acclaimed… why stay? If something is going to transpire or happen, that is too horrible, for no reason… It should relinquish. Go away. Die.
I’m not sure. There may be another way.
But for now… I’m not enough for the magnificent people I know. Words are no longer enough.
***
I can’t take back what I’ve done. The world is an unforgiving place…What I’ve done is either unlike me… or the daunting part of me I never wanted to believe present.
Forgiveness. I don’t deserve any kind of exoneration. Nor do I ask. The theory of awful things someone has done being forgotten is too good too be true; literally. No sin is ever elapsed or forgotten. Looked at differently – maybe. But never forgotten.
I’d give anything to… expunge the previous.But, all things occur for a reason. …Right?
“It’s the thought that counts.” No. That only applies to certain events. When what you give isn’t good enough, it’s not even expected to be acknowledged.
Perfect definition of my apology. Not enough… The words ring in my mind – no, click – like those words were created for this specific terminology.
My philosophy is that if something doesn’t belong in the world… why bother? If something causes too much pain to too many people, especially those loved and acclaimed… why stay? If something is going to transpire or happen, that is too horrible, for no reason… It should relinquish. Go away. Die.
I’m not sure. There may be another way.
But for now… I’m not enough for the magnificent people I know. Words are no longer enough.
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